Sunday, January 02, 2005
2005 .. happy new year !! amen .. wow i can't believe it, we keep moving on so fast .. i remember 10 years ago, in 90s .. when i was still in elementary school, i was wondering and dreaming of what i would become .. and now, wow those days feels like yesterday .. waktu rasanya berjalan cepet banget .. err almost 20 years i've been living , i hope i can experience 2010 .. 2020 ? .. 2030 wow hehe .. i hope i'm blessed to stay healthy until 2050s .. amen..
okay, speaking of new year .. of course it's all about the resolution of the year .. err still the same i guess with the last year's .. i want to do my study very well, i also want to continue my life peacefully .. stop dreaming, look at reality and do what i can do and what i have with full responsibilities .. at new year's eve ago, i made a wish to Jesus, that He will guide me, since i already decided that i want to give my life for Him .. i want to stop dreaming, since i feel that when i only care for myself and my own happiness, it only made me worse .. so can be said, my resolution of this year is just do what i can do and what i have in front of my eyes .. and yes of course, peaceful life ..
i did feel empty lately .. i hope it won't last long for a year (--")
i don't know why, actually i'm pretty satisfied with what i have right now .. although actually nothing's special with my life ..
i'm starting to feel it since a week ago, after my brother's tingjing .. but although i feel empty, i do happy with it because one of my dreams comes true , to see my brother's happy ... he's one step closer to marriage, one thing i'm excited with (^^;) .. err i'm confused, so the point is happy for nothing .. happy for my brother, not for me xD that's what i mean with nothing ..
and then .. recently i found out that my ex's in a relationship status .. i don't know whether it's true or not, but i'm happy also if it's true .. why am i happy, for someone that i don't have ? i don't know .. that's what i mean with happy for nothing too .. well about him, i don't want to be hypocrite, i'm also sad too if he's already over me .. because he's the best i ever had .. sometimes i hate myself, like yesterday, i had a dream about him again , why can't i forget about him ? when i woke up, i realized that i was crying in my dream cos i remember that my dream was about him and his new girl .. isn't it stupid ? i tried everything to forget about him , everything .. from not being nice when i was talking with him or in msn , until i tried to love another guy a year ago , that turned out to be my biggest mistake i ever made in my life .. but it's useless .. maybe he'll always have a room in me, that can't be replaced by anyone .. maybe he's already over me, and moves on with his life, that's good .. i'm happy for that too .. me myself, i don't know whether i'll find someone new or not .. but right now, i think i can't feel any love again .. i hope someday, i will understand clearly why i chose to let him go ..
nCy.voiLa @ 8:15 pm
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